Wednesday, July 09, 2014

A little game called "Bad Idea Pony Of The Week"

I scroll through ads for houses I'll never live in and horses I'll never own.  It satisfies my need for being judgemental.  I can harshly criticize how people think they should decorate their houses when they're trying to sell them, and of course, bitch about how advertising a horse tends to bring out the stupidity in people. 

It turns into a game when I bring my husband into it.  Poor fella.  He gets regular emails from me featuring perfectly adorable and pretty much useless little teensy ponies and minis, all this while he's got like, eight musicians on the floor and the clock's ticking and he hasn't eaten in a few hours and there's probably a microphone cable somewhere in the building that's cacking out… and how can he concentrate when there's a picture on his iGadget of those little ears oh my gosh poking out of that fluffy mane eeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!

Recently I've been seriously considering scraping together a few hundred bucks and buying a pony.  I like ponies and I don't think they're evil.  I think many don't get trained well because they're little and adults don't want to bother with them.  I, however, am about the size of the average 11 year old.  I am pony sized.

Also people tend to treat ponies like kittens instead of what they are, which is basically shrunk down draft horses - full sized attitudes.  And strong.  Are you aware of how freaking strong a Shetland pony is?  The strength to size ratio is crazy.

I have a flaw that makes me kind of want to go plunk down the $150 and take home the saddest skinniest dirtiest little pony standing in the middle of the slop yard.  BAD IDEA.

JETHRO:  That's a vet bill.  That's not a pony.  That's a pile of dewormer and corrective hoof trimming right there is what that is.

HEIDI: But I really think just being taken care of would do him a world of good.

JETHRO: Damage.  Damage from the day he was born.  He's equine garbage.

HEIDI: Some clean hay and water, a few hours a day on grass… some good firm handling and lots of pats and snuggles… he'd be good.

JETHRO: Please don't.

Then there's the pony who basically just needs a different place to live.

HEIDI: Honey check out this ad!  Broke to ride, good with kids, done parades and shows, need gone ASAP BECAUSE SHE DISCOVERED THE STUD DOWN THE ROAD AND WON'T STAY HOME ANYMORE!  Bwahahahahaha!  Are they gonna use the $500 to put up a new fence?  hahahaha!

JETHRO: Oh dear lord.

Of course there's the "miniature pony" thing which is kind of… not the same thing.  I mean, I sometimes have a hard time telling a small Shetland from a mini, especially if they aren't exactly well built specimens, but I always wonder if people actually know what they've got.

My favourite?  The Percheron Pony.

Ummmmmmm….?????  NO.

HEIDI: Here's one.  Not sure if broke, was being ridden before we got her, haven't tried since, easily jumps 3 ft.  So….

JETHRO: And that's how she discovered the stud down the road?

HEIDI: That's a different pony.

JETHRO: Different pony, same story.  BAD IDEA.

Of course there's this scenario…

JETHRO: I don't think the two for one pony idea is good.

HEIDI: Oh come on, you'd love a little foal running around here.

JETHRO:  You wouldn't.  You already said you don't want to fuss around with foaling.

HEIDI: But wouldn't it be fun just to see what the offspring of the mystery stud would turn out like?  Hee hee hee hee!

Seriously, why are half the pony mares advertised already knocked up?  Please don't answer that.  We haven't got all day here.

My favourite one is the little pinto mare with the crazy headgear.  She's got a halter on and over top of that, a strange looking bridle with a big honking curb bit with curved shanks.  Why even make a bit like that pony sized?  Are we cutting cattle with Shetlands?  And what's with that bridle?  I enlarge the picture on my iGadget.  Oh my.  Wow.  That's not a noseband.  That's the brow band.  It's halfway between her eyes and nostrils.

HEIDI: Oh look honey.  This one's broke to ride and drive and Heidi please get me out of here.

Truth is, I don't want the nasty run down sick unbroke pony.  As much as my soft heart wants to pluck them out of there and give them a good life here at the old homestead, I can't afford it.  Not with time or money.  And honestly, whenever we play Bad Idea Pony, I know exactly why it's a bad idea.

I have a cart upstairs in the barn that I can't get rid of even though we haven't used it in about 30 years.

I have pony sized tack.

I don't think I want three horses.

But two and a half might be okay.

I need to start inventing rules for a game called Good Idea Pony Of The Week.


RuckusButt said...

Well...not that I want to be an accomplice to this scheme, buuut...there is a pretty good market for well-trained ponies it seems. I know someone who rescues ponies for next to nothing, is small enough to ride them, has enough skill to do the basic training, and sells them to all those short stirrup kids whose parents have money to blow. Granted, she has a judicious and good eye for which ponies to rescue. Also, I can't speak to how well the sales are going but they appear to be doing well. She has one super-star small pony leased out who is cleaning up right now. The pony is young, so even if the current leaser doesn't buy, this season will pretty much guarantee it will be worth it's weight in gold. It all depends on your situation (paying board or at home?) and turn-around time (bc even at home ponies can take a lot of money). Also, "at home" ponies don't necessarily have the training facilities (hunter jumps) needed to make them marketable to the $hort-$tirrup hunter crowd. But a lot can be done with some cedar bows and some dollar store flowers!

Heidi the Hick said...

Oh RuckusButt, are you psychic? You pretty much nailed a potential Part 2 to this post!

Right now, I don't have the strength and energy to take on some "Little" training projects. Seriously, still recovering from winter and it's July. I'm barely getting my two horses ridden but when I think of how far they've come and how good they are at their jobs, I figure I might be alright anyways with this horse thing.

Either way, a pony wouldn't be outgrown here. I'll always have a new crop of riders coming up.

But the leasing out idea? I have some friends who've been leasing out their outgrown pony for the last two years on the hunter circuit and they're pretty happy with how it's been going.

I've been thinking of extreme trail. I recently saw an ad for a very small pony with a very large price, like $4000, and that ad didn't sit around long. A well trained pony is worth its weight in gold. And what's cuter than a pony and a kid kicking ass in an obstacle course?

Anyways. The real issue right now today this week is that I'm down to one horse and need somebody small to pick up Copper's work load.

So it's totally okay to be an accomplice to the scheming! Jethro actually thinks it's time to go pony shopping!!!

Paul Tee said...

How does this game really works?

If I land on green pastures with a double throw, I get a pony?

If I roll even-odd, then I have to clean out the stall?

But if you land on my riding ring, then you have to pay me in bales of hay?

But if I stumble upon your riding trail, then it costs me double?

Can I trade a Park Avenue Condo for your barn with a full haymow?

And why always ponies? Can we play for zebras? Or a quarter horse?

Good to have you back.

Heidi the Hick said...

Paul I'm thinking more like an "operation" type game where if you find a bad idea pony like this:
"Beautiful crazy pony she's dangerous I got her to save her from the meat buyers but she's wild and somebody experienced needs to buy her so she doesn't kill somebody she's really pretty but she's crazy $400"

... There's an obnoxious noise and you get zapped.

Heidi the Hick said...

(Yep, good to be back.)